Do we need children?
Blog NO. - 7
Date - 27 Aug 2017
Saturday evening , a friend of my school years presented me a small booklet as an autobiographical work , with words " chhokkas vachje " Do read and opine!
I have so many friends desiring to write personal things and publish.And when I ask, why ?, they do not have any answer or perhaps , No answer.
But this friend wanted to thank his two daughters , married and wellsettled, looking after him after he lost his wife. And so he completed his thanksgiving work as an autobiography.
The other friend wanted to write to denounce his son , who never cared for him!
There are hundreds of examples in the society, where children have been a support system or a total ruin! I have often heard parents cursing themselves for having children! Only one example is enough to represent their sorry state and sheer unhappiness.
I reluctantly accompanied my sister and her relatives to an old age home to offer on some auspicious day. The great desire may be to increase the balance of Punya. But I heard so many painful stories here that Punya.
But I heard so many painful stories here that day , that I could not leave the place in total distress and disgust with tears in eyes. There were physically unfit parents unhappy about their children, some of them rich and affluent.
We have other stories , where children have been away for study or job and can not be in position to help day to day .
There are sympathetic phone calls and then some words of sorry and some to tell , Please take your care. The suffering parent is bed ridden , none to give a glass of water, to contact doctor , to buy medicines and lastly to talk.
Is this parental expectation, too much to add an insult to injury?
What a parent to do in such circumstances? Call 108 and get admitted or call aged , perhaps incapable friends to help or simply wait endless for the son or daughter to return and help!
I am day in and day out meet young couples, desring to have babies.My simple question to them , why they need a baby, have perplexed them, putting them in chaos! They don't have any answer
And there are a few couples who are sure that they do not have any baby! I ask why, and the polite answer is expectations.
If we can not fulfill wishes of our parents, why to have children and have expectations? And when I say sarcastically to have children and no expectation. They laugh and say not possible. and no expectation. They laugh and say not possible. Are we heading to childrenless society of tomorrow?
The society is on a verge of a radical rethought of childbearing function and its implications. More and more young couples want to enjoy their lives to fullest without the responsibility of poor return.Then the next agenda will be , why to marry if no babies, jolly well , you can be better livein partners. No grudge when you leave, as no responsibility of children.
What about the parents like us.?
They did best to help their parents at a personal and private sacrifice. They have children , for them , they did best for education and jobs , but can not expect any return. The expectations are human weaknesses and unpreventable. The end result is sadness , unhappiness and agonising pain and dissatisfaction.
The remedial measures, if any, I doubt may help or may not..
- (1) overcome the weakness of expectations from the children.
- (2) Minimalistic life will have a least burden.
- (3) Your money is not important to your children , as they have a plenty. But same can make your life comfortable as you can buy various services.
- (4) Your few good friends , though not cent percent fit, may help in hour of crisis.fit.
- (5) There are health care providers and hospitals ready to help you in crisis with all facilities. Try and find out the best when you are healthy and not when sick.
- (6) The concept of homes for the retired will soon pickup. Sell your all properties and live in a home for retired commune, where all your day to day problems are solved and health care provided. You have new friends and you relieve your children of responsibility and guilt complex.
- (7) If the idea of retired home makes you uneasy ( what society will tell ) and going to old age home shameful. The next best idea is to get a flat in congested upper middle class , fully secured,and near to central city area, selling your big secluded bungalow. There are many advantages. Security, neighbour, near by shopping and temple and hospital. At least your death will be known in hours rather than days or months if you are alone in a bungalow.
- (8) There are speakers need listeners, there are movies need audiences, there are good joints need foodies and there are tv channels showing scientific searches, you always wanted to see but had no time.
- (9) Dont repent. Don't be sorry. Don't be spiritual to hide a guilt. Don't be angry. Don't be egoistic. Appreciate others, you may need them.Donate if you desire.
- (10) live a minimalist life. Your birth suit is ready for your final journey which has a fixed date. Well , there are a lots of things told about the life beautifully by spiritual masters ; but don't spoil the remaining years complicating YOUR OWN LIFE.
Get ready for the great voyage.
Dr Ajay Shah