A Failed Father

Blog NO. - 8

Date - 3 Sep 2017

Fathers are different than mothers, can not be compared.


A Father is caring , responsible , sensitive, emotional and touchy , but percentage of each character is obviously , uncomparable with those of mothers and there are obvious reasons.


I have many stories of many fathers , feeling at at a loss to understand , why an insinuating finger at him, which parental duty he did not do!


A letter from a daughter to her father , amplifying enough to understand the difficult views.


" Dear father,


I am sitting in the waiting room of my psychiatrist, looking at my past and try to reason out my depression to my upbringing. At age 40 plus , may be my hormones playing truant, but the fact is my past. I still remember , my mother will get up at 6 in morning to prepare me and my break fast , will complete my lesson and drop me at school. Always came to see my teachers and knew my progress, even manage my private tuition.


In my all sickness, ran with me to our family doctor. She woke whole night and put the ice bag. I grew in her shadow and she was there for everything I in her shadow and she was there for everything I needed. Even she cared me in my coĺlege days. Her total devotion helped me selecting a right life partner.


And what did you do?


Our childhood grew in presence of your fearful strict discipline regime, where love was brutally absent. You never came to school as a parent any time , busy in your business. Never came to doctor when sick . Never gave money when asked for.Even fought a bitter battle when I selected a life partner, refusing my choice.And it was my mother's wisdom that my life shaped well and married my choice of life partner. And what did you do to my mother, fought for no reason or trival reason. And I cried in my room all alone and that past brought me today in psychiatrist 's chamber. "


I have never seen any father responding to their children. In old age it is good to speak less and hear more. An imagenery letter from a father will be like this...


" My loveliest daughter,


I am grieved to see you sick in doctor 's chamber and wish you a quick recovery


As I have tremors of Parkinson and poor vision , I am illcomposed to answer.


Your so many presumptions are not unwarranted but what I did , did for the best interest of you and our family. To run a family, to look after ailing parents , to balance social responsibility and to have our own home , I worked against all odds, and often did not succeed.


And I worked more and more. I realised that I was hardly with you but that was the reality. You may not know but every midnight when I returned , I enquired about you, your health, your education. Yes, your mother's role was bigger than mine, but I was equally sensitive to your concerns. I toiled and moiled for the home and it's inhabitants. I did not do anything for myself. Even your hardest feelings for me will not pardon me. Please forgive me . Your failed father "


There are so many fathers dying one day as guilty as prisoners of innocent crimes . And there is no obituary of his senseless struggle.


Yes , there is a garland around his photograph suggesting his physical absence and flowers all around to decimate smell of his perspiring life.


The remedial measures if any , is sparing time for kids. Forget the old proverb, TIME IS MONEY. It is a lie, and subjective. Even your best efforts , spending , sharing, loving and helping may give you passing marks as a father.


Because the assesse is nòt a chìld anymore and he or she has different perception now. He or she examine a paper which was written years bacķ. This is a reality check.


Dr Ajay Shah

Date - 3 Sep 2017